Two Lesbian Military Couples: One Gets Wedding, the Other Discrimination

Further drawing attention to the disparity of treatment of our LGBT servicemembers, as one female military couple battles DOMA for their rights, another prepares to tie the knot as the winner of an all expenses paid trip to New York City Pride. Both hope to raise the profile of gays in the military.

In a series of videos called "Freedom to Serve, Freedom to Marry," Major Shannon McLaughlin and her wife, Casey McLaughlin, are attempting to show that despite being legally married in Massachusetts, being denied the 1,100 federal protections of marriage by the Defense of Marriage Act is having a profound impact on their lives.

The two women met 15 years ago, and dated for a few months. They went their separate ways, and reconnected 10 years later. Dating soon turned to talk of marriage and children.

"We both knew we wanted to have a family, and made quick work of that. We were married a year later and then had our twins Grace and Grant a year after that," said Shannon McLaughlin.

The problems with DOMA exclusions began while Casey was still pregnant. She had to leave her job, and learned that the military would not provide insurance for her. Because DOMA defines marriage for federal purposes as "between one man and one woman," same-sex military couples cannot qualify for many protections available to other couples, including health care, housing assistance, primary next of kin status and survivor's benefits.

"DOMA presented itself as a huge problem," said Casey McLaughlin. "Once I went on maternity leave and the children were born, I decided to stay at home. I lost my health insurance and had assumed naively that we as a family would all go under Shannon's health care plan. But I was excluded. Although I was legally her spouse, I was a woman."

The women are involved in McLauglin V. Panetta, a lawsuit challenging DOMA and the federal definition of "spouse," which is backed by Freedom to Marry and OutServe-SLDN.

"A post-DOMA world in the military for me is that I'm able to take my wife to military family events and know she's respected, not singled out as not being as good as every other military wife or husband there," said Shannon.

Freedom to Marry Founder and President Evan Wolfson noted that even as we end marriage discrimination in state after state, married gay and lesbian service members who risk their lives for our country are still being denied protections for their families because of federal marriage discrimination.

"The sacrifices that soldiers like Major Shannon McLaughlin and their families make are not matched by equal respect and equal treatment from the government," said Wolfson. "It's time to overturn the so-called Defense of Marriage Act and pass the Respect for Marriage Act to end federal marriage discrimination."

As part of their awareness campaign, OutServe-SLDN has become an official sponsor of a bus trip to bring 25 same-sex couples from across the country to Washington, D.C., in June to be married in a jurisdiction where their marriages are legal and recognized.

The trip will begin on June 21 in Columbus, Ohio, and travel to the nation's capital so that the couples can be married in front of the U.S. Supreme Court. It is funded by private donations, and organized by two other plaintiffs in OutServe-SLDN's landmark DOMA challenge, Army Major Stephen Snyder-Hill and his husband Joshua.

Texas Military Couple to Marry at NYC Pride

In the midst of lawsuits to overturn DOMA and secure equal treatment for same-sex military couples, one lesbian Army couple has hit the jackpot, so to speak, as the winner of the NuVo Condoms contest to become the first-ever same-sex couple to be married at NYC Pride.

Military couple Amanda Ortiz and Rachel Murphy of Texas won an all-expense paid trip to PrideFest on June 30, to be wed on the second anniversary of legalization of gay marriage in New York.

"We would like to thank NuVo Condoms for giving us this once in a lifetime opportunity," said Ortiz. "We really want to make a statement, not just for our LGBT brothers and sisters in arms, but equality for all! Everyone deserves the rights we are supposed to have as Americans, civilian and military alike. We cannot wait to share our love and officially become Mrs. and Mrs. Ortiz-Murphy."

Officiant Kim Kirkley will run the ceremony, with rings provided by Unusual Wedding Rings And More. The Out NYC Hotel will donate a one-night stay, Carlo's Bakery will provide the cake, Cress Floral Decorators will donate arrangements and Touch of Class DJ will handle the music. Special wedding attire comes courtesy of fashion designer Mah-Jing Wong, and Markie B's Jamaican Cuisines of East Elmhurst will serve up the catering. The women will get photos by Marriage Equality Photography, and video by Treasured Memories.tv. Best of all, NuVo will donate $1,000 to the couple's honeymoon of choice.

The wedding is open to all, no tickets needed, as part of NuVo Condom's grassroots campaign to promote safer sex via sponsorships, concerts, tailgates, philanthropy and the distribution of more than 500,000 free condoms, some of which were given away during a sex education assembly at South Brooklyn Community High School during prom season.

When Washington Wizards basketball center Jason Collins came out as gay in April, NuVo donated him a year's supply of condoms, and offered Collins the chance to have the all-expense paid wedding at NYC PrideFest, were he ready to walk down the aisle. Collins, who marched in Boston's Pride Parade on June 8, has not indicated he is ready to be wed quite so soon.

For more information, visit www.nuvocondoms.com